“We Keep Having the Same Argument”

“We Keep Having the Same Argument” – Understanding Repeating Patterns in Relationships

You know how it goes… it starts with a small comment, a tone of voice, or a certain look. Before you know it, you’re in the same argument you’ve had dozens of times before.

Different details, same feelings.

Repeating arguments are one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy. They can leave you feeling frustrated, misunderstood, and stuck.

Why Do We Keep Having the Same Argument?

At the heart of recurring disagreements are often unmet needs or unspoken fears. The topic might be small (“You never help with the washing up”), but the emotion underneath is usually bigger (“I don’t feel valued” or “I don’t feel heard”).

Other reasons patterns repeat:

• Old wounds from past experiences are triggered

• Different communication styles create misunderstandings

• Stress and life pressures keep you both reactive rather than reflective

• Avoidance – issues never get resolved, so they resurface again and again

Breaking the Cycle

• Pause and notice – when the familiar pattern starts, take a breath before reacting.

• Identify the deeper need – what are you really trying to say?

• Listen to understand, not just respond – give your partner space to share without interruption.

• Seek support – sometimes it takes a neutral space to explore what’s really going on.

How Couples Therapy Helps

In therapy, I help couples identify the root causes of recurring conflicts, not just the surface issues. We look at how your histories and personalities influence your patterns, and we work on new ways of communicating so you can break the cycle.

You don’t have to keep having the same argument – you can learn a new way forward.

Book a free 30 minute Discovery call to see if Couples Therapy is for you