The Myth of the Endlessly Resilient Therapist

The Myth of the Endlessly Resilient Therapist: Why We Need to Drop the Performance of Being ‘Fine’

As therapists, we spend our days holding space for others — absorbing stories of pain, resilience, and transformation. We’re trained to stay grounded, reflective, and compassionate no matter what unfolds in the therapy room. But somewhere along the line, a quiet myth crept into our profession: that a good therapist is endlessly resilient. That we’re meant to keep going, no matter how heavy things feel, and to meet every challenge with a calm smile and the word “fine.”

It’s an understandable illusion — but one that costs us dearly.

The pressure to appear unshakeable

In supervision groups, team meetings, and even among friends, many of us have perfected the art of the professional mask. We reassure others that we’re coping, that the emotional load is manageable, and that our boundaries are solid. We might even believe it ourselves — until we start noticing the subtle signs of strain:

• Feeling emotionally flat after sessions

• Dreading certain client appointments

• Struggling to switch off or sleep

• Feeling disconnected from our own needs

Therapists aren’t immune to burnout. We’re just particularly skilled at disguising it.

Where the myth comes from

The expectation to be resilient often begins in training. We’re told to develop self-awareness, manage our countertransference, and ‘use supervision effectively’. Yet we’re rarely given permission to not be okay — to admit that sometimes, the work hurts.

Culturally, resilience is framed as strength, while vulnerability can still be seen as weakness. But in our profession, those definitions become dangerously blurred. The irony is that true resilience doesn’t mean being invincible — it means allowing ourselves to bend, rest, and receive support when we need it.

The emotional cost of performing “fine”

When we perform resilience, we disconnect from authenticity — not only with ourselves, but with colleagues and supervisees who might be struggling too. It creates a quiet culture of isolation, where everyone assumes everyone else is coping better.

Over time, this can lead to:

• Compassion fatigue

• Emotional exhaustion

• Self-doubt (“If I’m struggling, maybe I’m not cut out for this”)

• A loss of joy or meaning in the work

The performance of being ‘fine’ may protect us in the short term, but it prevents us from accessing the empathy and connection that sustain us long term.

What genuine resilience really looks like

Genuine resilience isn’t about pushing through. It’s about responding to our own distress with the same compassion we offer our clients. It’s the quiet courage to say:

• “I’m finding this really hard right now.”

• “I think I need more support.”

• “I can’t do this alone.”

Resilience, in its truest form, is about flexibility and recovery — not stoicism. It thrives in environments where therapists feel emotionally safe to be human.

Creating a culture of honesty and support

So, how do we start unlearning the myth of endless resilience?

• Prioritise reflective supervision. Choose supervision spaces where you can show up as you, not as the version of yourself you think you should be.

• Normalise imperfection. Share the messy middle of your professional life with trusted colleagues — it invites honesty and collective care.

• Practise radical self-compassion. Notice when you’re slipping into performance mode and gently remind yourself that you’re human first, therapist second.

• Model authenticity. By allowing yourself to be real, you give permission to others (including clients and supervisees) to do the same.

The myth of the endlessly resilient therapist keeps us stuck in performance and disconnection. It’s time to drop the mask — not because we’ve failed, but because being real is the foundation of sustainable therapeutic work.

Our clients don’t need perfect therapists. They need human ones — grounded, compassionate, and willing to care for themselves as deeply as they care for others.