Chosen Family

Chosen Family: Redefining Connection During the Holidays

The holiday season is often painted as a time of family, togetherness, and belonging. But for many LGBTQIA+ people — and anyone who feels unseen or disconnected from their family of origin — this time of year can bring grief, loneliness, and complicated emotions.

While festive films and adverts show picture-perfect reunions, the reality for many is far more complex. The truth is, not everyone feels at home with the family they were born into — and that’s where the idea of chosen family becomes a lifeline.

What Does “Chosen Family” Mean?

Chosen family refers to the people we intentionally surround ourselves with — friends, partners, mentors, and community members — who see and accept us for who we truly are.

For many in the LGBTQIA+ community, chosen family provides the safety, affirmation, and love that may not have been possible in biological families.

It’s about building connection through authenticity, not obligation.

It’s about being known, not just included.

It’s about belonging — on your own terms.

When “Home for Christmas” Doesn’t Feel Safe

Cultural messages around the holidays can be deeply heteronormative and family-centred. We’re surrounded by phrases like “going home for Christmas” or “family time” — but for those who have experienced rejection, estrangement, or invisibility, these words can carry pain.

You might find yourself:

• Feeling pressure to hide your identity to avoid conflict.

• Navigating tension between partners and family members who aren’t accepting.

• Feeling lonely while everyone else seems to have somewhere to go.

• Missing loved ones you’ve had to distance yourself from to protect your wellbeing.

• It’s okay if this season feels complicated.

• It’s okay if your version of “family” looks different.

The Healing Power of Chosen Family

Chosen family reminds us that belonging doesn’t have to come from bloodlines — it can come from shared understanding, mutual care, and unconditional acceptance.

It might look like:

• Friends who celebrate your milestones and pronouns with joy.

• A partner who helps you build new rituals that feel safe and affirming.

• Community spaces — queer choirs, support groups, book clubs — where you can breathe easily.

• Online or local connections that remind you: you’re not alone.

These connections can meet deep emotional needs for safety, validation, and shared humanity, especially during the holidays.

How Therapy Can Support Queer Connection and Belonging

Therapy can offer a grounding space to unpack what “family” means to you — especially if your experiences have been painful or complicated.

In a queer-affirming, inclusive therapy space, you can:

• Explore the grief of family rejection or invisibility.

• Rebuild a sense of self-worth and belonging.

• Strengthen connections with your chosen family and wider community.

• Reconnect with your authentic self without fear or shame.

Therapy isn’t about erasing the hurt — it’s about helping you find healing, hope, and connection that feels safe, real, and deserved.

Redefining What Connection Means

The holidays can be a powerful time to reflect on the relationships that truly nourish you. Whether you spend the season with your chosen family, on your own, or in quiet connection with nature, what matters most is authenticity — not conformity.

Belonging doesn’t have to look like a Christmas card.

It can look like laughter with friends, a long walk with someone who gets you, or a quiet evening wrapped in self-acceptance.

If this time of year feels difficult, please remember — there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling that way.

Your need for safety, acceptance, and connection is completely valid.

Family isn’t always something we’re born into. Sometimes, it’s something we create — with courage, compassion, and love that reflects who we really are.

And that, in itself, is something worth celebrating.

I offer LGBTQIA+ and neurodivergent-affirming therapy for adults — creating inclusive, compassionate spaces where you can explore identity, belonging, and self-worth without judgement.